I have not posted in months, so I thought I would give you a quick update on all of the positives changes in my life since my last post:
-Tonight I posted my first Facebook photo album in 4 years. Fuck the rude people who will look at me and comment on my weight. This is who I am. Live with
It. :) I am ME!!!
-I am going on a beach vacation next weekend with my family and I'm going to wear a bathing suit in public for the first time in about two years or so.
-I got a new job! I've been there a little over 2 months. They wanted ME! It made me feel great about myself.
-I dated a guy for about 5 weeks. Things didn't work out, but it gave me hope that someday I will find someone to marry! Can you believe it? Very exciting.
-I went to another wedding and wore a strapless dress. Photos were taken and posted to Facebook. Oh well!
-I haven't slept at my parents house in months
-No big crying episodes or breakdowns
So, overall I've been doing extremely well. I an still taking that diet pill phentermine and it isn't working at all. I've been on it for a couple of months and have lost 5 lbs. I prob need to get off of it.
Eating is still not easy, but it's a bit easier bc I am not with my parents so much. I try to eat what I am craving so I wont overdo it if I deprive myself. It is still a struggle and I am sure it will always be!
I am still not happy with my body or the way I look, and i know my weight is affecting my health, but I am doing the best I can. Even maintaining my weight (195-200 lbs) for the past year has been an accomplishment! I am okay day-to-day with it and I am learning to accept this body.
So, Shades of Hope is now on the OWN network on a show called Addicted to Food. It is all such a ridiculous "show" and everything is so fake. I just hope people don't watch it and waste money at Shades. I am still in so much debt from it. The tv show does not accurately portray the facility or the staff at all. Anyone agree? It has been almost 1 year since my intake at Shades and I still try to block the experience out of my mind.
Anyway, life is good! I haven't been to therapy or a Dietition since 2010 and I think stopping it has really helped. Before, I spent all my time overanalyzing and now I am actually trying to LIVE my life. Ofcourse my psychiatrist and the meds do help now! Anyway, I hope you all can find comfort in the fact that I am trying to move on with my life and that I am living it (smiling, laughing, etc.).
Hope all is well with you!