Sunday, May 22, 2011

Hello, old friends!

I have not posted in months, so I thought I would give you a quick update on all of the positives changes in my life since my last post:

-Tonight I posted my first Facebook photo album in 4 years. Fuck the rude people who will look at me and comment on my weight. This is who I am. Live with
It. :) I am ME!!!

-I am going on a beach vacation next weekend with my family and I'm going to wear a bathing suit in public for the first time in about two years or so.

-I got a new job! I've been there a little over 2 months. They wanted ME! It made me feel great about myself.

-I dated a guy for about 5 weeks. Things didn't work out, but it gave me hope that someday I will find someone to marry! Can you believe it? Very exciting.

-I went to another wedding and wore a strapless dress. Photos were taken and posted to Facebook. Oh well!

-I haven't slept at my parents house in months

-No big crying episodes or breakdowns

So, overall I've been doing extremely well. I an still taking that diet pill phentermine and it isn't working at all. I've been on it for a couple of months and have lost 5 lbs. I prob need to get off of it.

Eating is still not easy, but it's a bit easier bc I am not with my parents so much. I try to eat what I am craving so I wont overdo it if I deprive myself. It is still a struggle and I am sure it will always be!

I am still not happy with my body or the way I look, and i know my weight is affecting my health, but I am doing the best I can. Even maintaining my weight (195-200 lbs) for the past year has been an accomplishment! I am okay day-to-day with it and I am learning to accept this body.

So, Shades of Hope is now on the OWN network on a show called Addicted to Food. It is all such a ridiculous "show" and everything is so fake. I just hope people don't watch it and waste money at Shades. I am still in so much debt from it. The tv show does not accurately portray the facility or the staff at all. Anyone agree? It has been almost 1 year since my intake at Shades and I still try to block the experience out of my mind.

Anyway, life is good! I haven't been to therapy or a Dietition since 2010 and I think stopping it has really helped. Before, I spent all my time overanalyzing and now I am actually trying to LIVE my life. Ofcourse my psychiatrist and the meds do help now! Anyway, I hope you all can find comfort in the fact that I am trying to move on with my life and that I am living it (smiling, laughing, etc.).

Hope all is well with you!


  1. All is well when everything seems to go right. Meeting old friends is one of the most precious moment in human life. all the hopes and the thing you overcame with friends really keep us going. It's good to have iphone 4 cases also and meet friends through technology and gadgets.

  2. THanks for the update!! It sounds like mentally... you are getting to the place you need to be!! You are doing great. Weight/food all of that will follow. Way to go.. keep up with the good work!!

  3. I've just come accross your blog and I want to congratulate you on your recovery and how well things are going.

  4. Wow, in 4 years you haven't posted an album! What made you that busy if I may ask? I never miss checking my account everyday and posting at least one photo in every 3 weeks of my life! Whoa! :-)
    phentermine 37.5 mg no prescription

  5. I used Phenthermine from and I reduce a lot of loads in a couple of several weeks . I suggest Phenthermine from