Monday, December 27, 2010

Happy Vacation!

Hi everyone!
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! I can't believe Christmas is already over. It is my favorite time of year so I am always a little sad when the season flies by so quickly. I love the atmosphere, the lights, the colors.... Anyway, everything here is still good. I have gone to two social functions at night in the past few days and lunch with a big group of friends and have run a thousand errands. I even have real plans for new years eve (dinner with friends and then to a friend's house after)! That is big. HUGE. For the past two years I have gone to sleep before midnight on New Year's eve. I am on vacation for the rest of the week and am happy about that.

I am actually sleeping at my parents house tonight which I know isn't the best idea, but I was lonely and didn't want to be alone or binge. So, I am here and feel fine. When does it become weird that I am almost 26 and sleep at my parents house every now and then? I think I might already be there :)

Actually, my parents were out of town recently and I noticed some interesting feelings. Right when they left I felt really sad and lonely. I even didn't leave my apartment one full day and moped and binged. Then, I thought "I can't do this anymore" and got off my ass and made some plans with friends. So, the rest of their trip was fine for me and I actually did pretty well filling up my time with social things. I did sleep at my parents house 2 nights while they were gone because I felt lonely and my brother is in town from college. I need to be okay being alone. MUST WORK ON THAT. It is hard because more and more of my friends are getting engaged and getting into serious relationships, so it isn't easy to make plans at night. Most of them are with their significant others during the week.

Food has been a challenge lately. Only a few BIG binges, but I am overeating a lot. I am not sure why. I guess the reasons for my bingeing are still there, so its pretty much the same thing (although I feel significantly happier that 2 months ago - yay). I need to get back onto the Weight Watchers wagon because I know my weight is still a big problem in my life. Despite how much I try, I know I wont be okay with myself at this weight. I need to get down to "normal" sizes, be able to shop in regular stores, and then I will be okay. Right? Doesn't that make sense?

Also, I KNOW that one of the reasons I am alone is my weight. During my skinny days, I was the center of attention and guys liked me! It felt great. It isn't like that now. Things have changed... obviously. I wan't to meet guys and get married one day, but my weight holds me back. For example, I would love to try, but I know I won't be that successful because everyone judges you based on your pictures. Been there. Done that. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try not to, I do the same thing for the guys! Are any of you on or a similar dating site? What has your experience been?

Well, that is all for now. I hope this blog becomes more and more positive as I do better and better! I already feel worlds different. It is nice to get out of the house and DO SOMETHING instead of moping and feeling bad about myself all the time. 

So, keep reading. I am here for the long haul.


  1. Take advantage of the fact that you're feeling so much better and go back to WW (or whatever weight loss program you prefer). Even when we feel good inside, it helps a WHOLE LOT to feel good outside as well.

    Good luck with everything.

  2. I thought dating would be much easier smaller, but to be honest I started using dating as a way to escape. I also started using dating as a way to validate myself and as a test. Sort of like if I could get a boyfriend then I was healed. I have lost 130 pounds and was dating cute guys but then I realized I was also being drawn to the ones who were not good for me because I was not 100% okay with being alone with myself. I think weight has less to do with any of it and it's more just something I need to work on and address.

  3. Side note, if you want to date and are looking to I did have success on, and even 130 pounds overweight. I'm dating myself now to better assess why I still go for the icky ones, think dating online is tricky because it is putting yourself out there to be judged and you do have to be okay with that and who is really?