I did well all day but kept thinking about bingeing. I put it in the back of my mind and worked out for the third day in a row. But, my willpower started to wane and I ended up having a bad binge tonight. I knew it was coming and even had my group tonight but didn't talk about it. I don't know what the cause was. That was dumb. I should have talked about it anyway. I think I didn't binge yesterday because I spent the afternoon with my mom. My mother = comfort = binge. It seems like I always need one or the other: my mom or food. I am so sick of this whole damn cycle. It is making me CRAZY. How do people LIVE like this?? It seems like there is nothing in my life except bingeing and food.
HELP!
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I ask this only because it has been a help to me... do you have or actively seek connection with God? Do you have a "prayer life" as it were? I know you're Jewish, but many Jews seem to have a lot of trouble talking or thinking seriously or emotionally about God cause we have come to associate all that "faith talk" with Christianity... anyway, for me connecting to a power greater than myself has actually taken the pressure off of me to fight my binge and purge and starvation urges with will power. I'd be happy to discuss this with you if you are open to it. And incidentally, I'm sharing this not because I want you to believe in God, but rather simply because this way of thinking is THE ONLY THING THAT HAS WORKED FOR ME!
ReplyDeleteGmar chatima tovah, and I wish you continued progress!
Can you find other things that are comforting? There must be something else that gives you comfort besides those two things.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mary it's about finding something that you can do for yourself to soothe yourself. Therapy sessions help but you need another outlet. I discovered through counseling that I was holding onto a massive amount of anger, combined with talking about it i found boxing and combat classes really helped me. Try a few things out, make a distraction list, a comfort list, anything that works beside the two things you are relying on at the moment would be beneficial. Sure you can find something :-)
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