Thursday, January 20, 2011

208 But Doing Okay!

Hi there!

1. My blog was listed as one of the Top 50 Addiction Counseling Blogs by The Counseling Courier. I am not sure how legit it is, but whatever. Cool nonetheless. The site looks a little fake.

2. I am feeling a teeeeeny tiny bit better about the friend thing. I am trying to be more social by getting involved in social things and that feel good. My goal is to join every group and association I can find. Obviously that can't happen overnight....I hope this weekend is better than last. I have plans Saturday night and errands to run Saturday. That is all though. I am not sure how to make plans without bothering my current friends. I haven't really made any new friends yet that I can be with. AHHHH. This sucks.

3. I went to the doctor today and weighed 208 lbs. I think my scale at home is a few pounds lower. Bummer. I am 8 pounds up from when I left treatment in August. :( How long will it be before I can apply to the biggest loser? UGH this makes me crazy.

4. I had a good week overall. So yay for that, but I had a few down moments. Food is still hard. I think it has been worse because I went to a boot camp with my mom on Monday night and it made me crazy (thinking about foot, dieting, etc.). The actual class was hard but fine. But, it screwed with my head. When I try to exercise, diet, and eat healthy, everything flies out the window - big time. The opposite happens. So, instead of eating well, I skipped the second class, bailed on my mom, and ordered pizza and breadsticks... and ate almost all of it by myself and then felt very sick. I was sneaky, hoping that none of the neighbors would see the pizza delivery (only fat people eat pizza, right?). Just like old times. Anyway, I am trucking along slowly. Still better than I was in the summer though - I've got to keep that into perspective.

I often talk about all of the bad in my life. This is my journal to rant, complain, and be honest, but I need to acknowledge all of the good too. I am WORLDS better than I was three months ago. I have gone out, I have been social, and I am smiling and laughing. I have a bunch of trips planned to visit some college friends and a high school friend who moved out of town. That is HUGE. One year ago, I would have never done these things because I was too embarrassed to be seen in public. This weekend, I have a fundraiser where I have to wear a strapless dress. I am not sure if I am not nervous about it because I am doing well or because I think my pagmina can cover up my fatty deposit.

Anyway, things are good. So, thanks for sticking with me. Keep on readin', my friends!

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