I got my hair done just to make myself feel better. The hair lady was new and curled it badly and it fell RIGHT when I got home. I started freaking out because my hair just looked straight and dirty from all of the hair spray she put in. In the end, I just pinned it half up. Sucked though. What a waste.
I went to dinner and it was fine. It was two couples, me, and another single girlfriend. Dinner was so yummy and I ate A LOT. I hope I didn't look like a beast or something. I always worry about what I look like eating to other people because when I eat I really get in a "zone." Anyway, it was fine and all was ok. I took a picture with everyone and then saw it on the camera and it made me feel bad about myself. I tried to push it to the back of my mind.
After dinner, we were supposed to go to a house party that I have been anxious about. After feeling bad about the way I looked, I was doubting going. I really could have gone either way. The old me would have gone home and felt bad about myself. I pushed myself to go to the house party (because I am trying to be positive) and I am glad I did.
At first, the party was awkward. For a moment I actually felt really alone and teared up a little. I got myself together (nobody saw), talked to people, and had an okay time. Everyone was nice (even though I am not BFF with them) and one of my friends even said she might have someone to set me up with! She brought it up! So yay. I hope that works out. I left with another good friend and her husband soon after midnight. They dropped me off at my apartment and here I am.
So, here are some lessons I learned tonight:
1. I need to keep pushing myself to do social things.
2. 2011 WILL be better than 2010 (it can't get much worse)
3. I need to cut all of the anxious shit and HAVE FUN LIVING MY LIFE
4. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Even my good friends. They don't want to hear me complain.
5. Wearing flat shoes is definitely the way to go.
Tomorrow is 1.1.11! Have a good one!
welll.. i just stumbled over your blog and everything you said? I GET YA!
ReplyDeletei was diagnosed last year (ok that feels weird...) with binging.
i have the whole parents issue, and im your age, but i cant even move out of home im still that attached lol
I think i'm a little ahead in my treatment, i have been getting hypnotherapy to help me and its been amazing.
i was eating a family block of chocolate a night.... im currently on day 46 of no chocolate. So thats just incredible...
I guess i just wanted to say it doesnt get easier as such.. but you do start to get there eventually!!
I'm going to keep up with your blog, its helpful to be able to see that someone else is going through what I am too... its hard when you feel alone and isolated in something.
Wishing you a very happy new year with lots of positive things to come xx
Thanks for the comment Alyssa! I really appreciate it! I would love to follow your story as well. Do you have a blog about bingeing? Also, can you tell me more about this hypnotherapy?
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