Tuesday, October 19, 2010

100th Blog Post

Wow. My last post was such an impulse post. It is crazy how fast I go from miserable to okay.

Although I did not binge today and monitored my food all day (hooray!), I had a really hard night. I felt bad about the state of my life, my friends, and my body. I went to my parents house for an hour and was hysterical. I called both my therapist and psychiatrist at 8:30pm. Now, I feel a little better because I got all of the pain and anger out (and it wasn't pretty) but i'm absolutely exhausted. I guess it took a lot out if me to be so upset.

I am worried that I am transferring all of my stress and depression to my parents, especially my mom. I tell her horrible things about how I am feeling. I know when I am doing badly she doesn't sleep. I don't know how to handle this. I need her but I don't know if it's better to hide my feeling from her so that I don't stress her out. I don't even known if I can do that though because I rely on her so much for support.

Why is every day so freakin' hard? When will this get easier?


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. (same msg as deleted above; only edited some mistakes n added the link)

    It does get easier if you persevere.
    Stay focused and don't overwhelm yourself. Take it slowly.

    Hi5 for not binging and monitoring your food ! :)

    If you feel like your feelings stress your Mom out, I think you should tame them a little and be more "raw" with your therapist or psy. Or better, make friends you can be brutally honest with about your feelings.

    My Mom stresses out like crazy (she gets headaches, backaches, everything) when I'm not doing well. So I don't tell her EVERYTHING, some stuff yea, but I watch what I tell her... b/c it's a vicious cycle... when I'm not well, she stresses out, she isn't well, then I stress out b/c she isn't well, and I don't get better UNTIL she's better. WTH. *lol*

    Just my personal opinion on that.

    If I'm up late, it's Mr Possibility's fault. *lol*
    Good luck with tomorrow.



  3. I think it's great that you are able to express the really strong emotions that you feel are enveloping you, maybe if you are feeling bad about burdening your mother, I think Elle has a really valid point, find an arena that is more appropriate or just less influential over a close relationship. That were you don't feel guilt or anxiety over this coming in as well.

  4. There will be times when it's really easy. But the bad news is there will be times when it feels like your crawling through broken glass. The trick is to keep moving. Your doing very good and you will make it!

  5. If you feel guilty telling your mom every detail, that guilt will only make it harder for you to achieve your goals. I'm guilty of the same thing and I know it's hindering my progress.
    I've found that going to online Overeaters Anonymous meetings helps a lot - it's less awkward than talking to those people face to face but you can still get feedback and support, and it's free.
    It's great that you can be so honest with your mom though. I wish I could say the same.