Pros
-Helps me feel better
-Soothes me
-Takes away my worries and anxiety (although only temporarily)
-It feels good to binge and "let go"
-During binges, I can eat what I want
Cons
-Fills me with shame and guilt
-Makes me feel sick and uncomfortably full
-The soothing is only temporary. It lasts a few minutes and then I feel worse than before
-Makes me gain weight
-Waste food and money
-I become sneaky and rushed
-I focus only on the binge and how/where I will do it
-I don't trust myself around food
-I am embarrassed by the way I eat in public.
-Bingeing has SIGNIFICANTLY decreased the quality of my life.
Obviously there are more (and more significant) cons than pros. I am going to read this to my therapist on Thursday and then hang it by my bed to read every day.
I know the feeling :( I've been binge-free for 21 days now, hopefully I will continue my journey like that...:) good luck to yoU!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting! There are definitely pros and cons to it, but I think the cons outweigh the pros. Good luck in therapy and figuring out how to stop the binges! You can do it.
ReplyDeleteDo you believe you are worthy of recovery? Do you believe that you deserve to feel better about yourself? Do you believe that you deserve to be loved by yourself and by others?
ReplyDeleteIn the "Pros" you cite for bingeing, almost all of them come from a place of negativity. You binge to soothe discomfort, to soothe anxiety, to feel "better" for a moment. These are the reasons I used to burn my arm in high school. The physical pain soothed me and made me feel better, distracted, numbed from the internal pain. Bingeing and purging are no different. They all stem from the belief that the root of the pain will never get better, that the only way to cope is to be numb. We keep ourselves in that place because we don't believe we deserve any better.
In my experience, BD, it cannot be about willpower or logic. These might get you through for a little while, but if you're just willing or reasoning yourself through the cravings, they will eventually overpower you. You need to find something within yourself that is stronger than the need to numb yourself out. And in order to find that thing within yourself, often we need to look outside ourselves... it wasn't until I found the support of unconditional love that I began to believe I was worthy of love, and began to figure out how to love myself. When the real pain is alleviated, the pain of loneliness and self-loathing, the cravings have less power over us.
You are worthy of love, BD. That is why Charlie offered to talk to you on the phone... because he recognizes that you are a person who needs and deserves love and support. You are valuable, and we wouldn't be here responding to you if you were worthless. You deserve more than temporary numbing, you deserve joy. You deserve love. You deserve recovery.
And we'll keep loving you till you can love yourself... and then we'll go right on loving you, cause how could we not?
You know what I've realized recently... the reason binging helps me feel better about the chaos in my life, is because after I'm done stuffing myself - I only focus on the fact that I just binged. Therefore, the new anxiety about eating too much... covers up all the old anxieties... and I never have to deal with the real issues.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I noticed you wrote as a pro "during binges I can eat what I want." Have you considered intuitive eating? That way you can always eat what you want... just a limited amount. Maybe that would make the 'forbidden foods' less attractive???
By the way, my word verification for that comment was "candy." Thanks blogger - I get it, I love candy.
ReplyDelete