All I Need is Love

Will anyone ever love me? Its a question that I think about everyday. When I was skinny, for a brief time, I was popular, guys liked me, and I was the center of attention. I wore trendy clothes, went out, and lived freely. Now, I try not to go out in public where I see people I know. I always back out of plans because I am too embarrassed that people will say “wow, what happened to her?” or “look how much weight she has gained.” I know my true friends don’t care, but it still bothers me. It is a very, very small world and I don’t want the same people who said “wow, you look amazing” when I weighed 125 to see me and judge me.

I always wonder if I will become a cat lady: all alone at 90 years old with nobody except 293 gross, hairy cats (and I HATE cats).

Part of me feels like nobody wants to meet me because of how I look. The other part of me realizes that I don’t let anyone in because I hide myself and my body from everyone. How could I possibly even meet someone new?

I want to get married (eventually), have kids, raise a family, etc... I am worried that I will be stuck in this horrible binging-cycle my entire life and that I will never meet anyone.

I haven’t even dated many people and I am in my mid twenties. How am I going to know if whoever I meet is HIM?

A coworker just joined match.com and she is loving it. I wish I could put myself out there, but what picture would I use? Who would want to date me? What would I even say about myself? I know I would be let down because nobody would message me.

I very much realize that nobody will love me until I love myself. Unfortunately, I haven’t loved myself for a long time. My twenties are flying by very quickly and I feel like I am letting my life pass me by.

Can you relate?