Hitting the Spot

Yesterday was not a good day. I reluctantly asked my boss to leave work early to go with my mom to hear about a weigh loss program at a hospital in my city. She said “fine” and I went to my car at 3:30 to be at the hospital’s orientation at 4. And what happened next? I backed into a car in my office parking garage! ahhh! It was bad. Ofcourse, the car I hit was a LEXUS and not a crappy toyota. I left a note on the back of my business card and left. After the orientation, which I will write about next, I got a call from the lady whose car I hit. She said the fact that I left her a note with my information and didn’t just drive away was admirable and that I “restored her faith in humans.” It made me feel really good, but  also can’t believe that I now owe her over $1,000 in damages. Ughhh. What a bummer.

Now for the hospital weight loss program orientation: It made me feel physically ill. The program is the type for really seriously obese people. They only accept you in your BMI is over 30 (mine is) and if you are recommended by a doctor. During the program, you are monitored by doctors as you ruin your life by only drinking four gross shakes each day (NO food other than the shakes). Those 800 calories put your body into ketosis.

According to wikipedia, ketosis is a state characterized by elevated levels of ketone bodies in the blood, occurring when the liver converts fat into fatty acids and ketone bodies.

Basically they explained (in better words) that you starve yourself until your body starts to smell, you are fatigued, and you lose your hair. Those are the symptoms anyway. You lose 3-5 lbs per week and then you slowly add back food 3-4 months later. Hearing about all of this made me nauseous. Haven’t I had enough dieting throughout my life? This is like every diet I have ever done but 100 times worse.

During the orientation, it took a lot for me to hold back my tears. How did I get here? How can people really do this to themselves? One of the orientation presentation slides said that you should not do the program if you are under 18, pregnant, or have BINGE EATING DISORDER. Clearly.

When I left the orientation, I was hysterical. At first, I was mad at my mom. Why would she put me through something like this? I know she didn’t know much about the program, but just hearing about it made me extremely anxious and sad. I told her that I thought she just wanted me to loose weight. Part of me didn’t mean it, but part of me really did... My parents just don’t get what I need right now. I guess even I don’t get what I need. I am just reaching out for help because I can’t do this on my own. I need the emotional part much more than the nutritional.

I ate really well for the past two days (i.e. no big binges) because I slept at my parents house and was never alone. I got home tonight to my apartment and binged big time on Chinese food (chicken with veggies, hot and sour soup, chicken fried rice). I feel gross. Yuck.