Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Hitting the Spot

Yesterday was not a good day. I reluctantly asked my boss to leave work early to go with my mom to hear about a weigh loss program at a hospital in my city. She said “fine” and I went to my car at 3:30 to be at the hospital’s orientation at 4. And what happened next? I backed into a car in my office parking garage! ahhh! It was bad. Ofcourse, the car I hit was a LEXUS and not a crappy toyota. I left a note on the back of my business card and left. After the orientation, which I will write about next, I got a call from the lady whose car I hit. She said the fact that I left her a note with my information and didn’t just drive away was admirable and that I “restored her faith in humans.” It made me feel really good, but  also can’t believe that I now owe her over $1,000 in damages. Ughhh. What a bummer.

Now for the hospital weight loss program orientation: It made me feel physically ill. The program is the type for really seriously obese people. They only accept you in your BMI is over 30 (mine is) and if you are recommended by a doctor. During the program, you are monitored by doctors as you ruin your life by only drinking four gross shakes each day (NO food other than the shakes). Those 800 calories put your body into ketosis.

According to wikipedia, ketosis is a state characterized by elevated levels of ketone bodies in the blood, occurring when the liver converts fat into fatty acids and ketone bodies.

Basically they explained (in better words) that you starve yourself until your body starts to smell, you are fatigued, and you lose your hair. Those are the symptoms anyway. You lose 3-5 lbs per week and then you slowly add back food 3-4 months later. Hearing about all of this made me nauseous. Haven’t I had enough dieting throughout my life? This is like every diet I have ever done but 100 times worse.

During the orientation, it took a lot for me to hold back my tears. How did I get here? How can people really do this to themselves? One of the orientation presentation slides said that you should not do the program if you are under 18, pregnant, or have BINGE EATING DISORDER. Clearly.

When I left the orientation, I was hysterical. At first, I was mad at my mom. Why would she put me through something like this? I know she didn’t know much about the program, but just hearing about it made me extremely anxious and sad. I told her that I thought she just wanted me to loose weight. Part of me didn’t mean it, but part of me really did... My parents just don’t get what I need right now. I guess even I don’t get what I need. I am just reaching out for help because I can’t do this on my own. I need the emotional part much more than the nutritional.

I ate really well for the past two days (i.e. no big binges) because I slept at my parents house and was never alone. I got home tonight to my apartment and binged big time on Chinese food (chicken with veggies, hot and sour soup, chicken fried rice). I feel gross. Yuck.


  1. I am not a medical professional by any means, but I feel outraged that a HOSPITAL would host/condone/whatever a program such as this. How can that be healthy for you?? Made me sick to my stomach just thinking about it too, and while we're at it my heart is aching as well at the thought. I don't have any answers. Thank you for coming across my blog today, I added you to my blogroll and I would LOVE for us to encourage each other!

  2. Thank you soooo much for the comment you left in my restaurant entry. It was so kind and RIGHT. May I add your blog to my blogroll?

    I'm so sorry you had to go through that presentation. My body went into ketosis after self-starvation, so I know about it all too well. I can't believe that hospital would do that. I think a lot of those people probably are binge eaters and don't even realize it or are in denial.

    Are you still going to the OA meetings? Have they helped you? If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask me. I've been going for three-four years now.

  3. recoveringanorexic,
    I would love to be added to your blog roll!

    I only went to one OA meeting. I thought it was great. Very spiritual and touching, but i didn't love the time of that particular meeting. I need to look into other ones. I can't wait to read more of your story and blog! Keep posting :)

  4. Wow that seems like pretty extreme stuff. Your post really reminds me of some weird scary programmes I embarked on trying to do the right thing by the parents having no idea what would actually help me heal. One of the most crushing realizations is that your family can't understand. I think it's fantastic you realise you need the emotional support more than the nutritional advice. I hope you find what you are looking for, remember its your life first and foremost!

  5. Run far, far away from that program! With the proper support, I know you can do this without some crazy shake program!

  6. Hi there,
    I found your blog through missmolly! I would love to follow you on your weight loss journey, if you don't mind.I am on a weight loss adventure as well, and I know we can both do it. May I add you to my blogroll? This diet sounds so extreme, and kinda scary, you're right. I hope you can find the emotional support you need, there are lots of wonderful bloggers who will be here for you :)

  7. Sure, Jocey! No need to ask! I will follow you as well. :)

  8. Sorry for the late reply, but thanks for letting me put you on my blogroll. :-)