Weekends

Tonight I feel sad and lonely. I wish I felt good enough to go out with friends.

Weekends are so hard for me. All week I look forward to them but when they are here, it's really hard. I am not busy like I am on work days and I feel a lot of pressure to be social (which I always reject and take a nap or binge).

Today I did see an old friend for a little while. She was telling me about the guy she got set up with. It was hard for me to sit there and be happy for her because I was really jealous. I don't even have a tiny bit of that in my life. Let's just say that it has become out of the ordinary for me to do anything with a friend except go out to eat (to a place where I know I won't see many people).

My friends just don't get me or even seem to want to. Everyone is busy with their own lives.

I am really depressed. No matter how much medicine I take or therapy I go to, I just can't shake it. It follows me everywhere.