Getting dressed for work every morning is disheartening. So, I ordered some clothes online, received then, and nothing fit. Now I feel panicked to loose weight. I am already 25 and have wasted most of my 20s being miserable in my body. I don't have much more time to waste if I want to get married and be a young mom. Crazy thought, I know, but nobody wants to date a fat girl and I am a fat girl who can't find cute clothes or a date. So, I always ruminate that nobody will ever love me because of my weight. And that's probably going to be true if I don't learn to love myself. So, instead of bingeing about how anxious and upset this makes me, I am writing in this blog. I guess that's a little victory because it's been a hard week.
This morning I ate a lot. Basically two breakfasts. One on the way to work and one at work. I was stressed and felt yucky. At lunch I had tree pieces of pizza. Dinner was fine, but i still feel like a huge ass pig. This is not atypical. The breakfast fiasco I mean. I know I am not supposed to diet and to eat intuitively, but I am on the other end of the spectrum sometimes. Sometimes I think I am back to where I was before treatment (except in a lot more debt).
I am dreading the weekend. I hate food on the weekends. It is never good.
Any advice for a size 18+ confused 25 year old?
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Wish I could look you in the eye and tell you how beautiful, how valuable you truly are. Until you believe you're really worth it, I don't know how you will find any peace.
ReplyDeleteYou are worth the effort, the time, the work that recovery requires.
Take a deep breath and try to believe that you're wonderful. Just the way you are.
AND... I encourage you to pray for the willingness to take steps toward recovery. Maybe you don't even believe in God. Fine. Pray to a god that you don't believe in then. Just pray. Just be openminded enough to do that. And if you don't have faith today, I will pray for you. I will have faith for the both of us.
ReplyDeleteYou will find hope, light and peace. You will recover. Stay with us and keep talking about it.
Hello TBD,
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading almost all your posts (can't sleep) and I was really moved mostly because of how alike we are despite some stark differences. I could really relate with your experiences and your depression having been through similar stuff. I won't tell you to "hang in there" or that "everything is fine", all I can say is its okay to feel everything that you feel: guilt, sadness, anger, relief, happiness etc. and that I commend you for being self-aware and committed to yourself enough to be so introspective and being committed to blogging about your experiences.
I look forward to reading more...
Hi TBD,
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled across your blog and read your last post. The advice that I can give you at this point is to take it a day at a time. If you don't achieve your goal today, you have tomorrow to do it. So don't throw away everything b/c of a bad day. A few days ago, I "binge ate" a lot of chocolate and soda. I don't even know why. Perhaps I was stressed or upset. But the next day, I got up and decided that I wasn't going to have a similar day.
And I didn't.
Anyway, I'll check out your blog from time to time. Feel free to stop by mine. It's new but you'll see that I'm also trying to tackle the living healthy thing. ;)
http://fatfriesplease.blogspot.com/
Take care.
And I hope you enjoyed the weekend !
Thanks for the comments, everyone. Anya and Elle, I will check out your blogs soon!
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