I met with my therapist again this morning and she said that I really should be doing way more writing to really learn how to be IN the moment and listen to my feelings. She suggested once in the morning and once at night. Blogging in the morning before work seems a little crazy to me because I know I don't have time to do it once I get to work, which means I would have to wake up extra early. Hmmm... Maybe ill just have to make time at work.. Anyway, enough rambling. I'll figure that out later.
Today I had a talk with L. I was really upset with her last weeked because I felt like she didn't want to be there for me as a friend. I have been feeling like this a lot lately with all of my friends not just her - who would want to hang out with me? I truthfully feel like a burden and a "debbie downer all of the time." She made me feel better and told me that she just didn't know how to react sometimes and she didn't know how to be there for me in some situations. I think if I were going to therapy more this wouldn't be an issue. I think I am looking for my frends to be there for me all of the time and sometimes they just can't... or don't know how to be. I have to remember that they arent therapists. They don't know how to handle these situations.
Fellow bloggers, did any of you have trouble relating to your friends during your ED?
I figured out that I keep testing my friends, pushing them away to see who will come back. Why am I doing this to my relationships?
I guess I just figured that a best friend would want to listen to you and boost your self esteem like my mom and therapist have been doing. I guess that's a bit crazy though. Friendships are just different. I haven't always had a best friend because most of the time my mom filled that role. Not healthy, I know.
I guess I really need to learn what to expect from a friendship.