I need to keep reminding myself that I'm okay. After being with family for 5+ days, I am home alone at my apartment and kinda sad/lonely. I did reasonably well emotionally for the past few days (considering) but I think it was because I was with my parents. I always feel better when I'm with them (unhealthy I know). I am doing okay. I will BE okay. Life will end up okay. I will learn to be happy. I WILL get married and have kids and find a job that I love. I WILL be content...right? Sometimes I'm not so sure.
I binged tonight after eating "healthy" all day. I'm so sick of this. Sick of trying. Why isn't this getting any easier?
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Ok sweety, first of all, you've got to SLOW DOWN.
ReplyDeleteStop. Breathe. Be HERE for a moment.
Don't think about the future, don't think about the past, what you have or have not accomplished, what you think you need to have a "fulfilled" life. Just stop. And. Be. Here. Now.
Breathe.
Recovery comes of learning how to sit with now, how to sit with yourself in the now. We binge, we purge, we starve, we do these things because we think we need to be distracted.
Try not being distracted. Try to just be.
Can you try that?
I totally agree with the previous comment, just think about today, that's all you need to worry about and it all seems a little less overwhelming. I do the same thing I wrap everything up in my head so tight over-thinking everything and then it's too much and I have the biggest most frightening mess in my head and wonder whether I will ever sort it out. For me there are days when it is easier, and others where it is the hardest thing in the world not to spend the day grazing through my food stores! The evenings are my problem too, tv exacerbates this insanely...I'm trying to fix this. Remember every day has an end!
ReplyDeleteThanks to both of you. Great advice!
ReplyDeleteFirst you have to ask yourself if you want to be married, do you want kids? Why would that make you more or less fullfilled. Many people don't are still happy and lead full lives.
ReplyDeleteAlso the binge was yesterday. Don't punish yourself today for what happened yesterday.
You can make it and you will. Just keep on it will get easier.