Wednesday, November 10, 2010


I wish I could start my life over knowing what I know now. I would do things so differently.

Yet, I am wasting so much time in shame, waiting for a time when I can start living my life again, a time when I am thin.

Every day is such a struggle, and I've spent over 3 years being very depressed. Maybe I don't want things to change. Maybe some weird, sick part of me likes this pain and sadness?


  1. I feel the same way as well. I was talking to my therapist today about how all I want is a for sure anwser that the next thing I put my energy into to will solve my eating disorder. I am so tired of working on this. Trying to figure out what is going to do it. Intuitive eating, oa, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, nothing, everything. Then, when she gave me an "assignment" to do today, all I could think is...I dont want to. I dont want to. I am so tired of trying and if I know I will try and get back to this way again, why try. I would rather be used to this and be used to binging. You know? It is hard. I wish there was a for sure anwser. I guess I said all this to say, your not alone.

  2. Thanks for posting, FeministaBroad. I guess we can really relate. I felt like you were taking the words right out of my mouth. So so so many times have I felt that way.

  3. Maybe stop seeing the end result of your journey as "thin." Maybe change that to "happy." Hopefully that will take some of the pressure off of you. Know that whatever weight you are, you are supposed to be at, and as long as you take steps forward in your journey towards happiness, your weight will balance itself out without you even knowing you did anything. There's footwork involved, of course, but as you know, the thinness isn't what's going to bring the happiness.