Tonight I spent some time cleaning out my closet. I started a while back but didn't get very far.
Step 1: A few weeks ago I got rid of all of the size 6 - 10 clothing stored at my parents house from my skinny days. It had been sitting in boxes for the past 2 or 3 years. It was time. I tried to sell some of it and I brought the stuff that didn't sell to goodwill.
Step 2: Tonight, I began packing up the 10's and 12's that are in my closet to go into storage in my parents house (where the previous skinny clothes were stored). I am keeping size 14, 16, and 18 in my closet in my new apartment (I move in 3 weeks). Hopefully, one day, I can get back to "normal" sizes. Being plus sized SUCKS.
Clearly this process is ridiculous and shows how much my life has changed in the past 5 years. I have wasted thousands and thousands of dollars on clothes. CRAZY. While looking through the clothes, I realized that at this time last year, I was a 14 (which absolutely killed me then). At that time I thought my life was over. Little did I know that a year later I would be 1-2 sizes bigger.
I just hope I don't gain even MORE weight, and I know I am not doing the things I need to do to get better. Sometimes I am good (I did a lot of cleaning tonight, had a good day, I didn't cry, etc...), but I ate badly today and ofcourse now I feel like shit.
Breakfast: Two potato, egg, and cheese kolaches (350 calories EACH) and a diet coke
Lunch: Cheeseburger, fries, and diet coke; two mini snickers candies out of my coworkers candy jar
Dinner: 1 can of progresso soup, falafel sandwich, some pita chips, 3 bites of egg salad
Ugh. I'm a pig. GROSS.
Anyway, enough about the bad and onto the good.
I am having dinner tomorrow with my mom and grandma because my dad is going out of town. Then, on Saturday, I am going to a holiday market with my mom and I am excited to get some good Christmas shopping in. I have plans to go to dinner with my roommate on Saturday night. Other than that, the weekend is pretty open. I emailed my friends a few days ago to be proactive and "social," but every single friend had plans or is going to be out of town this weekend. Oh well. At least I tried.
I was supposed to do a volunteer thing in my community but I backed out. I feel bad, but I know I need to take care of myself, go to my therapy group, start exercising, eat right, etc... I need to put MYSELF first. So, I think it was a smart decision.
Enough rambling for the night.
Happy ALMOST Friday!
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI agree that you need to take of yourself... because if you aren't well, you can't be fully there for others.
Good luck with everything.
~kisses
I'm going to be cleaning out my closet today too. You are doing the right thing, not holding onto the past. Start from where you are now without being fettered by all the nonsense that stares at you from size 6 clothing. Remember you are beautiful NOW, no matter what size you are, you are a beautiful, caring, special lady.
ReplyDeleteOooh, I cringed when you called yourself a pig. Self-loathing will get you no where fast. I've been there though. We have to retrain those old tapes of lies that we tell ourselves. When the thoughts come... we must reject them.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying a book called "50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Using Food" by Susan Albers.
Blessings!