Thursday, November 4, 2010

Mental Health Day

I took another day off today. I woke up and felt sad and had no motivation to go to the office. I hope I don't get fired. I've only been there one day this week. My coworkers have no idea what I'm dealing with. At work, I try to be as happy as possible. Underneath, every day is a struggle.

I just watched that new show "Whats Eating You" on E! It was pretty depressing and, although it did not focus on BED, I saw a lot of myself in the people they profiled (mostly the bad). For example, I hated that the patients seemed so self centered and attention-seeking, YET that is me 100% when I am in my disease. It made me anxious and teary.

Thinking about how I HAVE PUT MYSELF here makes me feel sick. I can't help but think of all of the years I've wasted feeling sorry for myself.

Anyway, I want to tell my mom that I didn't go to work today and that bothers me, like maybe I want attention from her? Or comfort? I am going to not tell her until tonight. I need to deal with this on my own sometimes I think.

Another thought I had while watching the show was that maybe I am not ready for treatment. Maybe I haven't really hit rock bottom yet so I am not ready to change. I waver in my opinion about this, (sometimes I am really motivated and others I want to quit and binge) so I don't know what to make of it. If I really AM going to do this, therapy once a week and dietitian once a week isn't enough. Maybe I should move home with my parents instead of moving to my own apartment.


Thoughts?

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful blog! Are you looking for mental health day activities? We bring you world mental health day celebration ideas, to celebrate this day and increase awareness about the importance of mental health.

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