After I wrote my last post, I went to the grocery store and had another major binge. It was my only way to relax. I am exausted and stressed out about work and my life. Today I talked to the dietition about worrying too much about what others think of me. It's a big issue in my life.
Anyway, I decided that Thursday I am going to an info session about lapband surgery. I figured it couldn't hurt to hear about it. I know it's probably not the best idea because of my bingeing, but I also know that I won't be happy unless I an thin. Maybe the surgery can stop the bingeing because it'll make me sick if I binge. Anyway, it's just an info session. I'm not making any decisions.
When I told me parents that I wanted to go to the info session, they seemed a little too excited about it. Maybe excited isn't the right word- I'll say overly supportive. Part of me wanted them to say "you don't need the surgery and we love you as you are." They didn't blatently say that they want me to lose weight, but that's the message I got.
They are right though. Living this way sucks and I don't want to do this anymore. Maybe the surgery is like a ray of hope?
I want to be thin so much, but all I do is eat because I'm upset. Carbscarbscarbs. Just can't get enough.
Any thoughts?
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If you do get the surgery and become thin -- will everything else magically get better? Something to think about.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I watched a "True Life" episode on MTV about someone who had compulsive overeating as his eating disorder. He got the same surgery in order to become thin. Well...once he became thin he thought he could handle life without the band in (and without binging). Once he got it off he was straight back onto the food and binged his little heart out. Instead of seeking treatment for the reasons behind the ED, he decided to get the lapband in again instead (the easy way out). And he was still just as miserable.
Good luck with whatever path you choose -- I hope you hear what you need to hear on Thursday.
What will being thin change in your life? Is work going to change? Are you no longer going to care what other people think of you?
ReplyDeleteBut if you go through the process of losing weight, avoiding binging... you'll be changing your life and learning how to deal with stress better.
Have you seen "Losing it with Jillian" on NBC? The first episode of the series there was a young woman who had lapband surgery and she looked great... but she was broken on the inside. Here's the link if you want to watch it: http://www.nbc.com/losing-it-with-jillian/video/the-mastropietro-family/1231773/
Good luck with your decision.