After I wrote my last post, I went to the grocery store and had another major binge. It was my only way to relax. I am exausted and stressed out about work and my life. Today I talked to the dietition about worrying too much about what others think of me. It's a big issue in my life.
Anyway, I decided that Thursday I am going to an info session about lapband surgery. I figured it couldn't hurt to hear about it. I know it's probably not the best idea because of my bingeing, but I also know that I won't be happy unless I an thin. Maybe the surgery can stop the bingeing because it'll make me sick if I binge. Anyway, it's just an info session. I'm not making any decisions.
When I told me parents that I wanted to go to the info session, they seemed a little too excited about it. Maybe excited isn't the right word- I'll say overly supportive. Part of me wanted them to say "you don't need the surgery and we love you as you are." They didn't blatently say that they want me to lose weight, but that's the message I got.
They are right though. Living this way sucks and I don't want to do this anymore. Maybe the surgery is like a ray of hope?
I want to be thin so much, but all I do is eat because I'm upset. Carbscarbscarbs. Just can't get enough.