Tonight I binged. I ordered three separate meals from an Italian restaurant and extra breadsticks. I ate all three meals and then was surprise that I didn't feel as full as I usually do when I binge. It seems I am getting fatter and fatter and it takes more and more for me to feel that stuffed feeling.
After the binge, I sat there feeling horrible for an hour. After that, I went into my bathroom and tried to purge but nothing would come out. I am not good at making myself throw up. So, I quit. Who cares. I am fat and ugly anyway... The food might as well stay.
Now, I feel defeated because I couldn't do it but I figured maybe the food already digested?
Don't get my wrong, I am not a purger normally but I thought it would make me feel better. Now, after my failed attempt, I am exausted and kinda mad at my body. What did I do wrong?
Well, so much for going to a recovery meeting tonigtht... I feel like I'm in for another bad weekend...
Goodnight, all.
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I have been there so many times, it's impossible to count. Right now, since I'm having a "clean" moment I can say what is easier said than done -- your weekend isn't over, this set-back doesn't set back your entire weekend... just this one day, maybe not even the whole day, just that moment.
ReplyDeleteIn NA, my husband always goes by "just for today"... I've found with food, because it's everywhere, I have to think "just for this moment." Ugh - We have the disadvantage of needing the thing that makes our life unmanageable.
I know all this is so much easier said than done... but good luck. One moment at a time.
I'm with you, sister.
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