After my last post "Binge = Surgery?" Food Addict suggested that I watch the first episode of "Losing it with Jilian"on NBC. I watched it right after I got the suggestion and really, really related to the girl who had lap band surgery, but was still struggling with her body issues and self worth.
To really understand why I related to her so much, you have to know about my "shortcut"...
About 5 years ago, I was overweight. I was miserable (or so I thought). One of my doctors gave me a weight loss drug called Phentermine and Prozac. The two drugs together have a history of weight loss... Doctor's call this combination Phen-Pro.
"Phen-Pro" is the combination of phentermine and a low dose of one of the following: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, trazadone or Effexor. The second medicine is necessary because phentermine used alone stops working after a few weeks. The second medicine makes phentermine work longer and better. Although the second medicine is also an antidepressant, its use in the phen-pro combination has nothing to do with depression.
The two drugs made me feel physically full, like I couldn't put anything into my mouth. I took the drug for about 3 years. Anyway, in the end, I lost 40+ pounds.
Life was amazing. I was 125 pounds. I was popular. Guys liked me. I wasn't the fat girl anymore. Just like the girl in the TV show though, I still thought I was fat and had bad body image issues even though I was thin. Still, life was better.
That lasted about two years.
Then, the weight started to creep back into my life as the drug wore off. I felt like God was punishing me. And, here I am today almost 100 pounds heavier than my lowest weight. This all happened within the last 3 years. It has been severely traumatic.
That quick fix weight loss solution obviously didn't stop the bingeing or the root of the problem, and I am worse off today than where I was in the beginning. This is why I was looking into the weight loss surgery... I know its bad, but this weekend I felt like I needed another quick fix. I don't know if I am strong enough to do this on my own... The last time I did this, it was a miracle. I took some pills and then became thin.
So, now you know the secret story that only my parents know. The one that messed with my mind and my life. I don't know if I will ever get over this.