Tonight I skipped the EDA meeting and binged on James Coney Island . I had 4 chili cheese dogs and three chili cheese fries. I feel disgusting. Like a beached whale. Or like a giant hot dog.
After meeting with the program leader Amy today and my psychiatrist, I still did it. I was feeling left out with my friends and so I got mad and binged. I made it all up in my head too. They weren't really leaving me out.
This has been a hard week for me. I think the "newness" and excitement of the eating disorder program is fading. Now I am just stuck with my disease and my fat.
I need to be going to meetings every single day (like the 90 meetings in 90 days that people do after hospitalization), but i keep bailing. I find every exuse in the book: they are at bad times in bad locations, I am tired, I am scared, I have too much work, I will get lost, etc etc etc.
Yuck. That is what I feel write now.