Friday, June 11, 2010

In hell

Today I saw a video of myself at work on a video conference call. It made me feel sick. I have become so fat and horribly ugly. I don't even recognize myself.

Now, I pretty much avoid all mirrors and get dressed quickly so I don't have to look at myself everyday, but the video today really made me realize how gross I am.

I hate myself right now. I am in hell.


  1. I know how you feel
    it's so hard to have some, just a little perspective, when you feel like this.
    I want to be supportive and tell you something along the lines of "this too shall pass" but I just don't have the words.
    I've been where you are now. And somehow I got through it.
    I don't want to say "If I did it, so can you" because it wouldn't have helped me when I was in that place.
    I just wanted to say that despite you not feeling it right now, you are loved and you are worth so much.
    That's all. Thats all we need.

  2. I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. My wife took a bunch of pics of me with the kids today and I saw them... I didn't really realize how big I've gotten again. My face and neck are fatter than they've been in a long time, and that was really discouraging to me.

    I'm trying to remember today that I am loved. My sweet 8-year-old daughter loves me no matter what. My God loves me that way too.

    We are precious. We are worth it. We are in recovery and on our way to healing and freedom. It's worth it.