Response to Comments

In response to "Another sick day," Recovering Anorexic left me the following comment: 

If you feel like you cannot stop binging on your own, I would go into inpatient. However, are you even trying to reach out for some support before the binge takes place? Are you trying anything before you get into relapse mode? Recognizing when you want to/are going to binge is a good indicator to do something else in order to protect your recovery. I don't feel like the outpatient program will help you if you keep binging; food may not make us high or drunk, but it will keep us in that fog and it will keep us from working on the program. 

My response: I think you are right. Nothing is going to help me if I can't stop bingeing to see the feelings/reasons underneath. Today, my ED program counselor Amy described it like this: How can a cocaine addict get to the bottom of his/her addiction if he/she is still using? Currently, I am bingeing every single day. Last week, I gave up trying to be good. I got frustrated. I haven't tried to do much else when I want to binge because it is SO powerful. I have tried to do things like take a bath, do my nails and journal, but those things aren't working. When I am in that moment, about to binge, I feel like bingeing is the ONLY thing that will make me feel better... and so I binge.

I don't know if I am trying hard enough. Part of me doesn't want to try. I feel hopeless.

In my response to "Binge = Surgery?" Recovering Anorexic also left me the following comment:

If you do get the surgery and become thin -- will everything else magically get better? Something to think about.

Also, I watched a "True Life" episode on MTV about someone who had compulsive overeating as his eating disorder. He got the same surgery in order to become thin. Well...once he became thin he thought he could handle life without the band in (and without binging). Once he got it off he was straight back onto the food and binged his little heart out. Instead of seeking treatment for the reasons behind the ED, he decided to get the lapband in again instead (the easy way out). And he was still just as miserable.

Good luck with whatever path you choose -- I hope you hear what you need to hear on Thursday. 

My response: This comment seemed harsh, but I know everything you are saying is true. I know a "quick fix" isn't the answer. I have been thinking about it all day and know this surgery isn't what I need. I might still go to the info session just to hear about it.. not sure. I am going to talk to my therapist about it first.

I know that I am going to have to do some hard work to get out of this eating disorder. I keep looking for shortcuts, but I know that isn't the answer. I've been there before. I've tried shortcuts, and here I am again.

The question is HOW can I stop bingeing so that I can start recovering?